How Projections of Your Past can Ruin Your Relationships

Article by Elena Beloff

Projections of your past painful experiences have a tendency to function like a thought virus, resulting in a never ending cycle of negativity, meandering through your most intimate relationships. Unless you resolve these experiences and their projections with personal growth work, they will continue to poison your relationships.

For example, if in your past you were abandoned by your partner a few times, you may develop a fear of being abandoned. You may constantly be on a look out for the signs that the person you are with, may go off and leave you. You may become clingy, over-suspicious or jealous. Unfortunately, this may naturally push your partner away from you. And once again, you will be perpetuating a cycle of grief and abandonment in your life.

Another example could be an alcoholic parent, who was dismissive of you as a child or in a worst case scenario, abusive. If it's your father, later in life you may become cold towards men or even resentful, if it's your mother, you may become distrusting towards women, especially those in the position of power. These examples and consequences vary from person to person.

In cognitive coaching, we use an “ABC model” to explain the formation of irrational and growth hindering beliefs, where “A” stands for an Activating event, “B” stands for Beliefs and “C” stands for Consequences.

I had a client, who I will call Dina. She had an array of relationships that just weren't working. The story was, her father left the family when she was eight, after he fell in love with his secretary and started a new family with her. Dina felt betrayed and left out by her father. In her adult life, she would choose men, who would slightly remind her of her father, men who were emotionally or circumstantially unavailable to her. At a deep unconscious level she wanted to change things between herself and her father.

In Dina's case, her activating event was her farther's leaving the family, the beliefs she formed from the event were: “ I am not enough”, “There is something wrong with me”, “I can not trust men.” The consequences of those beliefs reflected in the following behaviors: she would feel insecure around men, acted clingy, over-emotional and distrusting for no valid reason. This behavior would ultimately push a man away and often lead to break ups.

As I worked with Dina, I used regression therapy to help her go back into her past and reframe the situations that caused her to develop these hard feelings and limiting beliefs. Through hypnotherapy she was able to “have a conversation” with her father in a deep trance. She understood that he never “purposely” left her, he simply met another woman. She also understood that whatever happened then, had nothing to do with Dina. These events were strictly between himself and her mother. It makes sense on a conscious level, but once such rationalization is clarified at a deep subconscious level – it can become a life changer.

In a hypnotic state, she was able to reframe specific events of the past and disconnect from them. She realized that she was independent of those events and that they no longer had any power over her beliefs. Through hypnosis therapy, she was able to anchor a sense of empowerment and self-worth, as she forgave her dad from a more resourceful and loving place.

After a few sessions, Dina had a good conversation with her dad. Turned out her father also felt guilty and uneasy about the whole situation. As Dina took charge and gained a new perspective, she was able to end the cycle of grief for herself and her father. They both received closure. Two years later Dina met her soulmate and she is now happily married.

Hypnosis regression therapy is a powerful modality to help you deal with your past. With a guidance of a qualified hypnotherapist, you may literally go back and reframe the events which made you feel uncomfortable, angry, guilty, shameful, not enough or inadequate and etc. The main part of the hypnosis therapy is breaking the ties with negative events and re-experiencing them with new feelings, attitudes, responses and behaviors. It is almost like going back in time and rewriting your past.

Check out our new self-hypnosis audio “Release Your Past.” This audio can help you process your past and cut all and any ties with the events that have a harming effect on your life today. This self-hypnosis audio program will boost your self-esteem and confidence. Imagine being reborn anew, where past doesn't equal to preset and future.

To learn self-hypnosis or schedule a hypnosis session with NYC Hypnotist Elena Beloff click here.